I was speaking to Mitesh recently and he mentioned he uses this question as an icebreaker when he’s meeting new people in an attempt to engage in conversation and learn more about the person. He mentioned how this one question can end up leading to learning various different things and incidents in a person’s life. In contrast to these deep and fulfilling conversations, he’s also experienced that some folks simply do not have an answer and avoid the question altogether. The question aims to serve breaking the ice and also gives some signal whether they are worth investing more time in.

A day after we spoke, I got thinking, what is my philosophy of life? I had never given it any thought. I will attempt to solve this question in this post and give some shape to my philosophy of life. It will probably never stay the same and evolve over time. I want to do more than just quote one liners here, and dive into why I feel certain way about certain things.

Some things here may seem too trite, but I’ve reached these conclusions after much rumination.

Values over factions

Too many times, people pick sides in an argument and it forms a part of their identity. Apple vs. Android, Star Wars vs. Star Trek. I find the idea of picking sides to be inefficient. It limits your options. It robs you of your agency by forcing a binary choice on you. There should be room for nuance and you should be able to express this nuance with ease.

Your identity should be multi-dimensional and you should not attach it to pop culture. It’s a sad state to live in where you live and die by the sports team you like, the comic book universe you love, or the political party you support. A vote is not who you are.HH Is one stupid for liking sports, comics or being politically involved? Not at all. But if these are the only things you hold dear to the point it has power over your mood and behaviour, you should probably look into adding variety to your life.

Be your own man

That is to say do not let extrinsic forces, say circumstances or people, compel you to do something. Do things because you want to, and because you understand and agree with why you must. If you don’t understand why, ask questions until you either reach a point where you disagree or come to a rational understanding why.

Be considerate, but not over-considerate

Have empathy, but do not hold back what’s on your mind just to save people’s feelings. It might seem harsh at times, and it’s very easy to be hurtful. You must measure your words. But do not be silent about things and people you care about because “it’s a nice thing to do”. Most people will appreciate it, even if not immediately.

You must turn your back to the crowd

The man who chooses to lead the orchestra, must turn his back to the crowd. That is to say, do things with an intrinsic motivation, because you want something more innate and tangible out of life. Glory seeking is seductive, but has the terrible potential to consume you and poison your mind. Meaningful work is often unattractive. You have the power to shape the sound of your orchestra, but it’s only done well when you’re not distracted.

Some problems aren’t your fault, but they’re your responsibility

By the nature of existence, you will inherit fortunes good and bad. Sometimes it’s more important to focus on solving a problem than sit and whine about your misfortune and bad luck. Misery loves company, and it will hold you back.

There’s no Karmic justice

Accept this as an immutable truth of life. Life is often unfair, and bad people get away with bad things. Karma in the face of injustice is the refuge of the powerless. You’re responsible for your life. When faced with wrongdoing, either move on, or do something about it.

You can learn from people you disagree with

A wise man learns more from his enemies, than a fool from his friends. It’s not “wrong”. You can pick up things even from a person you hate. A well balanced individual is capable of choosing what he picks.

Show, don’t tell

I have a hard time convincing people. It’s often simpler and easier to generate evidence-backed proofs than running an argument back and forth. I have the luxury of being in a profession where it can be easier to do this, so I leverage this whenever I can.

Truth seeking is painful

People are often comfortable in their ignorance. Being faced with truth is hurtful, and trying to seek it more so. Do it anyway. It’s a freeing existence. Most effective people I know are constantly challenging their assumptions. They even challenge mine. It appears hostile at first, but people too busy taking things personally will forever be miserable for it.

Don’t let assumptions guide your perception

Often, I’ll speak to people and might insinuate hostility/arrogance in their tone. It used to bother me a lot to the point I’d disregard their words entirely because of how they conducted themselves. I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I decided I won’t let my assumptions about their tone distract me from the point they’re making, and to be more focused on their arguments than whether they’re being an asshole. Keeping emotions out of conversations leads to healthier conversations, and can help resolve animosity before it grows.